I have been spending the last few weeks busy, busy...I have got to spend lots of time with family and all the people I love. I have been able to put some issues with some certain people behind me..forgive and then move on. I'm so thankful for that...I've been so thankful for the weather lately, enjoying the fall leaves and crisp football games have been so wonderful!
As this year is starting to come to a close....I find myself more at peace, more relaxed, more grateful, more focused, and so much more happy and content.
Things I'm thanful for
* Gods provision, power, love, grace, mercy, forgiveness
* my loving patient husband
* all of my family
* good, genuine, honest, loyal friends
* wonderful church families
* football
* good coffee
* beach
* Tillamook brand dairy products
* shopping
* the holidays
* multiple chances
* the hope of a new year with new things.
I am thankful for the holidays finally being here...I'm looking forward to decorating our home, tree, baking, christmas parties, carols, weather, family gatherings, candlelight service. I'm so thankful that Christ was born and that we can celebrate the season all month long.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
In Memory of Bob
This past month Jeph and I took a trip with my dad and stepmom to Anacortes Washington(2 hours north of Seattle) to basically say goodbye to my step grandpa. His name was Bob and he was closer to us then either of our own grandpas. He died friday October 19 2007....we didn't get our chance to say goodbye but he knew we were coming and he was excited to see us.
We spent the whole weekend being with Alice (his wife) who is my step grandma....she's the kind of person who when she meets you...brings you into the family and you feel like her flesh and blood. :) It rained off and on all weekend...we spent time with Wendys(stepmom)step-siblings(Bobs kids) and we had a nice time. On the way home...we stopped to take pictures of one of best spots in Anacortes. This picture is of us...on Fidalgo Bay. We took it to remember all the good times we had with Bob. He will be missed!!:)
I just wanted to encourage anyone who reads this, to tell those you love that you love them, hug them before you say goodbye, and don't rush around to much during the holidays who knows it may be the last holiday you spend with them.
Christmas was the last big holiday we spent with Bob....we had a good time but Jeph and I are both wishing we hadn't had to rush around so much. So slow down...take your time....and cherish every moment you have with those you love.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Boundaries
So I have been having some severe issues with a couple of family members. There is nothing like having a conversation that is so inaccurate and hurtful. I have figured out with the help of a couple of friends talking out this problem that I have some messed up boundaries. I am a people pleaser so much that sometimes I let people dictate what I say and do to prevent nasty conversations like the 2 I had last week...even though I felt 100% right about my own decisions.
It's true I have toxic people in my life and I don't handle it well. So one of my friends gave me this great article on how to deal with toxic people..I have put my favorite tips on here to hopefully help anyone else out who may have to deal with this..including a quiz to let you know if you are a person in need of boundaries.
Seek safety in numbers: If you know that a certain friend/family member tends to infect you with their negative moods, plan a group activity so you will be surrounded with others as well. Or arrange to do something...play a game, go to a movie, go shopping, rather than sitting around talking.
Visualize a wall: When toxic emotions are heading your way and you can't exit the scene or do anything to stop them, imagine that there is a shield or wall around you. You'll still hear what the other person is saying, but the emotions behind what they are saying won't get under your skin.(we'll see about that.)
"Let's talk about solutions": If your friend/family member starts complaining, say you want to help but that it makes you feel frustrated to constantly hear all the negative. Then offer to swing the problemsolving mode to them-it's best to say,"that's too bad, but what are you going to do about it?"This sends a message that it's their problem and you're not going to take responsibility for it.
"Tell me why this is so important to you": This question often silences boundary pushers on the spot(or at least causes them to stop and reflect)allowing you to take back a sense of control.
ideas to focus on:
It's probably not you. (I don't know why but I need to hear that.)When you get upset it's easy to think it's your fault and that your to sensitive. But if you feel uncomfortable with someone you need to trust your intuition.
Don't make someone else's problem your own. Try to distance yourself mentally from a negative person.
You can handle this: Take a deep breath, then silently repeat"I'm not riding their emotional rollercoaster" You'll remind yourself that you're fully capable of protecting your boundaries without making your friend feel emotionally abandoned.
Quiz:
I have trouble saying no to people.
I consistently feel tired after being with negative people.
My mood changes significantly depending on the person I'm with.
I often feel flooded with bad feelings when hearing about other's misfortunes.
When I'm with others, my entire focus is on them, rather than me and them.
I actively avoid people I should deal with-at work, for instance-because I'm afraid of how I'll feel.
If you checked one or two not to worry. More than half...you are highly sensitive. So put yourself mostly first. you may need to learn to come to your own emotional rescue before other people's moods engulf you.
I think it's important that no matter what..you can be there for people but not to the point that you suffer. I think it's important to have boundaries...the trick for me is to find where those boundaries are, not to be selfish, but not to be so drained that I'm draining to my husband and friends. I'm currently reading Boundaries and doing the workbook...I'll let you know if it helps.
Hope this helps somebody else.
It's true I have toxic people in my life and I don't handle it well. So one of my friends gave me this great article on how to deal with toxic people..I have put my favorite tips on here to hopefully help anyone else out who may have to deal with this..including a quiz to let you know if you are a person in need of boundaries.
Seek safety in numbers: If you know that a certain friend/family member tends to infect you with their negative moods, plan a group activity so you will be surrounded with others as well. Or arrange to do something...play a game, go to a movie, go shopping, rather than sitting around talking.
Visualize a wall: When toxic emotions are heading your way and you can't exit the scene or do anything to stop them, imagine that there is a shield or wall around you. You'll still hear what the other person is saying, but the emotions behind what they are saying won't get under your skin.(we'll see about that.)
"Let's talk about solutions": If your friend/family member starts complaining, say you want to help but that it makes you feel frustrated to constantly hear all the negative. Then offer to swing the problemsolving mode to them-it's best to say,"that's too bad, but what are you going to do about it?"This sends a message that it's their problem and you're not going to take responsibility for it.
"Tell me why this is so important to you": This question often silences boundary pushers on the spot(or at least causes them to stop and reflect)allowing you to take back a sense of control.
ideas to focus on:
It's probably not you. (I don't know why but I need to hear that.)When you get upset it's easy to think it's your fault and that your to sensitive. But if you feel uncomfortable with someone you need to trust your intuition.
Don't make someone else's problem your own. Try to distance yourself mentally from a negative person.
You can handle this: Take a deep breath, then silently repeat"I'm not riding their emotional rollercoaster" You'll remind yourself that you're fully capable of protecting your boundaries without making your friend feel emotionally abandoned.
Quiz:
I have trouble saying no to people.
I consistently feel tired after being with negative people.
My mood changes significantly depending on the person I'm with.
I often feel flooded with bad feelings when hearing about other's misfortunes.
When I'm with others, my entire focus is on them, rather than me and them.
I actively avoid people I should deal with-at work, for instance-because I'm afraid of how I'll feel.
If you checked one or two not to worry. More than half...you are highly sensitive. So put yourself mostly first. you may need to learn to come to your own emotional rescue before other people's moods engulf you.
I think it's important that no matter what..you can be there for people but not to the point that you suffer. I think it's important to have boundaries...the trick for me is to find where those boundaries are, not to be selfish, but not to be so drained that I'm draining to my husband and friends. I'm currently reading Boundaries and doing the workbook...I'll let you know if it helps.
Hope this helps somebody else.
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